The values we carry through life are often quietly shaped by the people who raise us, support us and walk alongside us. This time of year, as we celebrate the mother and father figures who matter most to us, two of our KPMG alumni – Gan Kwee Lian, retired Tax Partner, and Tan Eng Soon, ex-Audit Senior Manager, share how these early influences continue to guide them through parenthood and into new chapters of life.
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Who have you modelled your parenting style after, and why?
Kwee Lian: I wouldn’t say I consciously modelled my parenting style after any one person, but my parents have always been my role models. Looking back, the contrast between my own upbringing – growing up in a kampong with six brothers – and the environment my three daughters grew up in has given me much to reflect on over the years.
Eng Soon: I have modelled my parenting style after my own mother. She was a single mother with little formal education who worked two jobs to raise our family and put me, the youngest of three children, through university. Mornings at McDonald's from 7am to 3pm and evenings as a waitress from 6pm to 10pm were her daily routine.
Watching her carry that weight shaped everything I believe about parenting. She was not perfect, but she showed me that strength, resilience and unconditional love are not abstract ideas. They are about showing up, even if you’re exhausted, and still giving your best. Even today, in her advanced age, she still works on weekends. That is the legacy I try to honour every day with my own children.
What is one lesson or value this person taught or modelled that has stayed with you through the years?
Kwee Lian: My parents taught me to be humble, kind and hardworking, and these values have guided me throughout my life and career. These were also the principles I sought to instil in my three daughters, and looking at them today, I’m glad to see how fully they have embraced these values.
Eng Soon: The lesson that has stayed with me most is perseverance. My mother taught me that even when life feels overwhelming – when you’re exhausted, stretched thin and unsure how you’ll make it through the week – you keep going. Not just for yourself, but for the people who depend on you.
I watched her do that every single day. Finishing her second job at 10pm and reaching home at 11pm, only to wake up and start again at 7am. She worked seven days a week but never complained and just kept moving forward. That quiet, stubborn endurance shaped who I am today, and it’s the value I hope to pass on to my own children.
Is there a particular moment or memory that captures this lesson
for you?
Kwee Lian: In our home, values are not just spoken, they are lived. Our helper has been with us since my children were born, and my daughters treat her as a true family member. They show concern and love for her, and never hesitate to lend a hand with household chores. Watching them work alongside her – without distinction, without pride, makes me very proud as a mother. This simple example captures the values I hope to carry forward in many more years to come.
Eng Soon: Yes, it was after I joined KPMG. During the audit peak period, when I worked long hours, my mother would still wait to have dinner with me. By the time I reached home, hot dinner had become cold supper. She would quietly heat up the food without fuss. Even though she ate very little herself, she always made sure I had a warm, hearty meal. She never complained, she just waited. That quiet act of love showed me that perseverance is also for the people you love.
Eng Soon, how does this lesson or value continue to guide you today, especially as your children grow older?
Eng Soon: As my children grow older, perseverance for me has shifted from doing everything for them to trusting them to find their own footing — while still showing up quietly and consistently, the way my mother did.
As an insolvency practitioner, I see the same quiet determination in people facing enormous business and personal setbacks. They keep going, not because it's easy, but because they must. This has reinforced my belief that setbacks don't define us, and it’s what I try to teach my children as well: keep showing up, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes, it is okay not to be okay.
What have you learned from your children that has shaped or influenced the way you see life or work?
Kwee Lian: My children have taught me to be more passionate and proactive in pursuing hobbies that I enjoy, and to continue looking for new ideas to occupy my time meaningfully. When they were young, they had no hesitation picking up new hobbies. Even now as working adults, they continue to pursue interests that fit their lives and priorities. Seeing this has encouraged me to do the same.
Eng Soon: My children have taught me empathy and perspective. They have shown me that success is not only about achieving goals or staying strong: it's also about understanding emotions, adapting to change and finding joy in small moments, even on difficult days.
My mother taught me to persevere. My children taught me that perseverance doesn’t mean hardening yourself, it means staying soft enough to feel, to adjust and to still find light when things are hard. That balance has shaped both how I parent and how I show up at work.
Kwee Lian, what similarities or differences do you see between your role as a mother and your new role as a grandmother today?
Kwee Lian: A mother is a dinosaur, a grandmother is a ‘grandmasaurus’. My daughter recently sent me an Instagram message with this caption, which made me think that I must have been very old fashioned in my parenting style while they were growing up!
As a mother, I tended to be more firm and protective. I worried if my girls had done their homework, whether they would be able to do well in exams, find good jobs, or the right life partners.
As a grandmother, I don't have to worry about any of these. Now, I simply enjoy spending time with my grandson and doing the things he likes. And if he’s unhappy with me for any reason, I can always pass him back to his parents!
In one sentence, knowing what you know today, what would you say to yourself as a younger parent back then?
Kwee Lian: Looking at how my daughter now cares for her own son, I realise I missed out on many precious moments with my daughters due to my busy work schedule. If I could turn back the clock, I would tell my younger self to spend more quality time with my children when they were growing up.
Eng Soon: You are stronger than you think, your effort matters, and your children don't need you to be perfect, only present and loving.
